Avoid the block.

This film is well wikkid, kno wot I mean yeah? Its got aliens in it, innit, yoof culture, bangin tunes by Basement Jaxx man! Where do I start?

Attack the Block opens on a good vibe: this gang of well hard bruvvas jumps this white bitch on Bonfire Night and mug her, when an alien crash lands into a car and gang leader Moses kicks its head in after it messes up his face. There’s no morals, just muggin and mercin, you get me? It’s just like real life on the streets, bruv. Moses tells his bloods to “Allow it” and they do. I’ve never been to South London, but it must be just like this: why would they lie about it, know what I mean?

It’s really funny cause they is talkin about yoof stuff while killin them aliens, bruv! Like when they is talkin about playing FIFA when they should be killin aliens. I can relate man, I’m always playing FIFA and not killin aliens, except when I’m playing a game about killin aliens, get me? It is a really original film: I’ve seen an alien film before and I’ve seen films in the inner city before, but I’ve never seen an alien film in the inner city before! Boss.

The director cut some really emotional scenes in it, man. Like when you find out main man Moses looks after himself wiv no parents, so that totally justifies his muggings and vandalism, you get me? Cause like man, life is so hard for da (new) kids on da block and they ain’t got no choices but to survive and earn respect through violence, innit? It don’t matter that the characters have no morals, they are too oppressed and poor to learn that upper-class shit, know wot I mean? At the end of the film the characters haven’t learned nuffink, but that’s what life is about: learning nuffink.

I liked that the film’s message was that being in a gang is well cool. I can relate- or like the characters say, “Believe”- cause me and my mates hang out like the kids in the film. We are all fifteen, too. Except, we sniff glue from a bag instead of smoking blunts and cut up old mattresses with kitchen knives instead of slashing aliens’ faces: swings and roundabouts, man! It makes me want to mug people and get a ninja sword, cause just like the film there would be no consequences except the feds trying to bring us down (which happens anyway). I fink an older person would find it stupid, but they never understand us yoof.

We ain’t got no time to fink about alternatives to the violence, we are too stressed out with the pressures of life man! One sec bruv, I need a spliff to get my head straightened out… there was a lot of drugs in this movie, which I LOVED. They is all baked, it is well funny! Where Pineapple Express made me laugh at the way the stoners was acting, here I was laughing just at the sight of weed. Nick Frost, Simon Pegg’s bro, is a local cannabis gardener and dealer: I found a note next to this computer saying “he is wasted, dramatically and literally”, whateva that means!

All the jokes were well easy to understand: I knew when they were coming so I was all ready to laugh when I heard them. The whole film was really predictable, although I wish a few more people were eaten by aliens.

To sum everything up, I loved Attack the Block! I can’t wait for this Pirate Bay download to finish so I can watch it with my bloods again. It’s great, innit!