Retro Games, Classic Achievements

A retroactive retcon of retro videogames to include the achievements we all achieved.

Tetris: Cover a perfectly setup single unit gap with a badly-rotated I Block

Duck Hunt: Get a high score by jamming the light gun right up the glass of the TV

Super Mario Bros: Eat two mushrooms in a row

Super Mario Bros 3: Slip behind the scenery

Super Mario 64: Discover Yoshi on the roof

The Sims: Remove the ladder from the pool

Sim City: Try to reduce the roads budget

Track and Field: Use a ruler to rapidly press the sprint buttons

Pokemon: Evolve a Magikarp

Pokemon: Capture all 151 pokemon thereby driving the local ecosystem in the ground

Pokemon: Encounter Missingno and the 6th item glitch

Streets of Rage: Eat a turkey while on full health when your teammate is near death

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Eat a pizza while on full health when your teammate is near death

Resident Evil: Save the Rocket Launcher for the final boss

Sonic the Hedgehog: Collect all the rings from Green Hill Zone 1

Red Alert: Defeat an opponent by building only one type of unit

Metal Gear Solid: See Meryl in her undergarments

Metal Gear Solid: Play the game on an emulator and get stuck on Psycho Mantis

Metal Gear Solid: Dies from smoking cigarettes

Goldeneye 64: Look at your friend’s screen while playing multiplayer

Monopoly: Play as the Banker and steal money from the box

Rollercoaster Tycoon: Raise the price of umbrellas to $50 during a rainstorm

Rollercoaster Tycoon: Rename a rollercoaster to ‘Casual Sex’ or ‘Your Mum’

Theme Hospital: Build ten drinks machines next to radiators

Any RPG: Reload and replay a crucial decision from an earlier save

Tomb Rader: Lock the butler in the freezer

GTA III: Fly the wingless Dodo for two minutes

Check out the Achievements Unlocked episode of the podcast


Alan & Craig unlock the mysteries of achievements. It’s mainly monkey brains and a music montage.

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Right Click Here and ‘Save As’ to Download!

(A rewarding 14.7 Mb, 31:51)

What did we miss?: Share your retro achievements in the comments below!