The Louvre Manoeuvre

Date: 14/03/2014 – 11:30
From: jacque.t@louvre.fr
To: videosurveillance@louvre.fr
Subject: Security Audit – Immediate Action Required.

Dear Surveillance Team,

The recent internal audit has recommended several changes to security across the museum (see attachment). The audit team agreed with us all that we should have a dedicated Head of Security.I’m sure you’re as surprised as me to learn that I have been appointed as interim head until Senior Management recruit someone qualified.

My guess is that since my team scored well on the audit then we are the best we have for now.

I will be taking forward my area’s recommendation to install new locks between the public restaurant and the kitchen. We will also keep less cash in the cashiers than we used to.

Your team MUST change your system password from “LOUVRE”.

Also, you need to write us a “Password Policy “.

Please update your password immediately to something both complex and unique.

I need to go. It’s nearly the lunch time rush and those baguettes aren’t going to defrost themselves.

Warm regards,

Jacque T
Head of Kitchen
Louvre Museum

Date: 21/03/2014 – 09:06
From: jacque.t@louvre.fr
To: videosurveillance@louvre.fr
Subject: RE: Security Audit – Immediate Action Required

Dear Surveillance Team,

I now get an email every time a member of the museum changes their password. I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to work like that.Either way, I’m going to be a pain and ask you to change your password again.

“LOUVRE1” is indeed unique but not nearly complex enough.

Thanks,

Jacque T
Head of Kitchen & Acting Head of Security
Louvre Museum

Date: 22/03/2014 – 07:07
From: jacque.t@louvre.fr
To: videosurveillance@louvre.fr
Subject: RE: RE: Security Audit – Immediate Action Required

Hi again,

I get the joke. Really, I do. But please, I can only reset your password so many times per day before the network crashes and takes down all our IT systems. I can’t have the restaurant’s ordering system down for that long before a queue builds up.

Please consider the following passwords banned:

• LOUVRE
• LOUVRE1
• LOUVRE123
• NOTLOUVRE
• LouvréWithAnAccent
• LouvreWithoutAnAccent
• LouvreMotDePasse
• LouvreMotDeP4553
• SheLouvresMe
• SheLouvresMeNot
• WhatsLouvreGotToDoGotToDoWithIt

Please find some other form of inspiration please. Make it a team day or something.

May I ask again, have you started writing that Password Policy yet?

Thanks,

Jacque T
Head of Kitchen & Acting Head of Security
Louvre Museum

Date: 29/03/2014 – 07:12
From: jacque.t@louvre.fr
To: videosurveillance@louvre.fr
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Security Audit – Immediate Action Required

Hi,

It was good to see you all out and about on the gallery floor today. I am disappointed, however, to have recovered a sheet of paper – which I assume belonged to your team – left on one of your lunch trays. Also, please do not leave your trays on the café tables.

Please, please, do not use:

• Pyramid1989
• Mon4L1s4
• DaPasswordDaVinci
• VenusDeFirewallo
• Aster1x
• ThePassCodeOfHammurab
• BotticellisVenusWith3GracesPresentingGiftsToAYoungWoman1

Thanks,

Jacque T
Head of Kitchen & Acting Head of Security
Louvre Museum

Dear collegues,

In light of recent events, we are moving away from password-based security.

The Louvre will transition to biometric eye-scanning technology from May.

Please can all staff report to my new office first thing to complete your retinal scans for the new system.

I know this is short notice, so teams who can’t make it in time can send me a digital photo of your eyes and I’ll make a temporary pass for you. Please see attached for photo requirements.

Thanks,

Jacque T
Head of Kitchen & Acting Head of Security
Louvre Museum

Right.

You lot need to knock this off.

Not only do these not conform to the photo requirements, you’ve crossed a line with me.

I had to cut my Build-A-Bread project in order to fund these new eye scanners. Now patrons of the museum will no longer get the chance to tour French bakeries through the ages. You have robbed them of the joy of defrosting their own baguettes.

I have sent the following to HR as evidence and requested we begin a formal grievance process:

Regards,

Jacque T
Head of Security & Culinary Operations
Louvre Museum

Dear Video Surveillance Team,

Please accept this email as my apology for my actions. While I can’t say I’m pleased with how this grievance process has concluded, I accept your legal team’s position. Your video surveillance team will retain its independence from any central security oversight. I wish you the best in your future duties.

As my final act, I accept your Password Policy with no edits:

New password requirements:

• Minimum length: 16 characters.
• Must include at least one uppercase letter, one lowercase letter, one numeral, and one special character.
• Must contain at least one symbolic gesture.
• Must recognise the tension between uniqueness and reproducibility.
• Must allude to death.
• Must acknowledge the fragility of the human experience.

I still disagree with Senior Management’s decision to display this grievance in the gallery.

Regards,

Jacque T
Head of Culinary Security & Operations
Louvre Museum